Advice for Parents When Their Child Goes to University

Eighteen years. It has flown by. It only feels like yesterday that you left the hospital with a tiny newborn wrapped up in blankets, wondering how something so small could suddenly become your whole world.

And now its time to start thinking about them leaving. Off to University. What do they need? Have you packed enough bedding? Are you just realising they really can't cook?

If you are reading this as the parent of a child who is about to travel away for University, you are probably on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. You feel a mixture of pride in their achievement .and excitement for this exciting new chapter in their life, sadness about seeing your child less, anxiety about their safety, finance and fitting in.

It is ok to be emotional, and there is no correct emotion to feel, in fact, you probably feel all of them, even ones you didn't know you had. It is different to anything else. Many parents experience what's often called Empty Nest Syndrome – feelings of sadness, loneliness or even a loss of purpose when children leave home.

But, it is important to remember that you are not loosing your child, as much as it may feel like that. Life is a constant changing and moving kaleidoscope. Across the last approximately eighteen years you have watched and participated in this person, become a person.

You have seen them as a baby, their first steps, their first days at school, and the awkward teenage phase. The next phase we are pushing towards is the same as the the rest have been.

Each stage feels like saying goodbye to one version of your child while getting to know the next. Independence is not the scary monster you are picturing, it is something you have spend the last nearly two decades preparing them for.

So why does this stage feel more difficult? 

Well, on top of the regular changes you have experienced in the past like changes in routines, changes in character and appearance this change comes with an even bigger shift. Their presence. 

In every other stage they have physically had you close by, and you have had them. Now, as they move away, you will not be so geographically close. There is a certain reliability that come from being nearby. No longer will you be able to go and fetch them when they are out late, you will miss out on conversation you would have one been included in and you can no longer just go and give them a squeeze. 

This is the final stages in their development before adulthood. For the last eighteen years it has been your job to equip them with the character and skills needed, and the final step is to give them room to fix their own problems. The reality is, that they will need to be self reliant soon, and while you are still there to catch them if they fall at this point, its also crucial you allow them to learn even now.

They will forget to do the washing.

They will eat beans on toast or some kind of noodle in a cup for three days in a row.

And they will be fine.

They need to be a whole person in their own right, this is an opportunity to learn what that takes. You are not stepping away from them, you are stepping alongside them in a different role., you are there to catch them if they fall, but its important to let them fly.

I have just told you to give them space, but its important to let them know they still have you, you are still here for them and they are still important to you. Its important that you let them be them, and discover who that is, but you can still connect with them.

Weekly phone calls to get the gossip. You don't need to demand there presence every day. Where they are and what they are doing is their business now. It is up to them how they spend their time, but weekly calls lets you know they are doing ok and lets them unburden themselves in a health way.

Random memes that makes you think of them. Just because they are funny, because they make you think of them, because the will enjoy it too.

A few favourite biscuits. Their preferred tea bags. The hot chocolate they always drank at home. Little things become big comforts when you're somewhere new. Not every week or every month, just every now and again, just a little taste of home.

Asking about friends and life other than grades. It is true the purpose of collage is to learn and get your degree, but its also about discovering yourself, maturing into an adult and becoming who you want to be. If every conversation starts with grades, they may begin to feel like they're reporting back rather than catching up. Ask about the people they've met, what made them laugh this week, or whether they've discovered a favourite café.

I don't know you, but you are probably pretty great, Firstly, congratulations. You raised a whole person. That's no small achievement.

While they are away, do me a favour and look after you. Rediscover some hobbies you didn't have time for while being a parent. See friends and family, go on date nights, read, exercise, learn something new.

This next chapter of life belongs to you too. It is true, there is more time in your day now, there is a space that was filled by a person reliant on you, you are not replacing them, but you can fill that time with some self-care.

It's hello to the person they are growing to be, and every visit for Christmas (or Diwali, or Eid, or Thanksgiving, or any other holiday) comes with a new story. You will also get all of the silly questions, phone calls about how long to cook pasta, how to wash clothes or anything else. The relationship doesn't disappear, it changes.

One of the hardest parts of watching your child leave for university is adjusting to a new way of being involved in their life. You're no longer there to help with the little things every day, but that doesn't mean your support becomes any less important.

Sometimes, staying connected is as simple as sending a message to ask how they're getting on, posting a handwritten note, or putting together a small care package during exam season. These thoughtful gestures don't have to be expensive or elaborate. Often, it's the reminder that someone is thinking of them that means the most.

It's also worth remembering that staying connected doesn't always mean staying in constant contact. University is a time for new experiences, new friendships and growing independence. Giving your child the space to build their own life, while letting them know you're always there if they need you, can help strengthen your relationship in the long run.

At McCuddles, we believe comfort often comes from the little things. Whether it's a favourite snack from home, a familiar photo, or a comforting gift that reminds someone they're loved, small acts of kindness can help bridge the distance and let them know home is never too far away.

A New Chapter for Both of You

Watching your child leave for university is one of those moments that feels both joyful and bittersweet. It marks the end of one chapter, but it's also the beginning of another—for them and for you.

They'll grow in confidence, make mistakes, discover who they are and, before you know it, they'll come home with stories that make you wonder where the time went.

You haven't stopped being their parent. You've simply entered a new phase of the relationship, one built on trust, encouragement and the reassurance that, wherever life takes them, they'll always know where home is.

Read some of our articles about Self-care ideas to look after yourself. 

Stress to deal with the stress of the situation. 

And our Health Habits page about protection your mental wellbeing.